Sometimes, the world does not seem like a good place to be..

Two blondes..

.. with hammers, Ann and Susie were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house.

Ann, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Susie, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Ann explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away."

Susie got very upset and yelled, "You! moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house.

Thought of the day

I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest
Alexandre Dumas

Thought of the day

There are moments in life when the presence of another makes it worth for us to go on living

Phantom Hope..

It is said that the world is warming up. As it does, animals like the Polar Bear will disappear because their habitat will no longer exist. It is difficult to imagine a world without the North and South polar icecap. One can't help but feel that something cataclysmic would happen along the path to total meltdown, something really BIG. If you think about it, the rising ocean levels swamping what are now coastal low lying areas is bad enough.

You may think that you are sitting pretty if you live on high ground, but you would soon lose that smug grin. Where do you think all of the people in coastal cities like Montreal, New York and London England are going to be displaced?

Who, exactly is going to pay for the removal of infrastructure away from the areas which will be hit hard? How and when will it be moved?

As the oceans rise, so does the level of water in estuaries, and what is attached to all estuaries? Yes, you guessed right. The small river not too far away from you is also going to rise. Today's fields, farms, golf courses, business parks and domestic housing areas are going to be lakes.

Wild animals, their habitat fast receding, will come into conflict with the escaping hordes from the large coastal cities, whose only interests will be getting someplace to live, be it on a high ground farmers field, or vast tracts of previously forested land, all of the trees about to be cut down to allow for space and building materials.

Fishing fleets will have nowhere to bring back catches unless they fix wheels to the fish processing plants and centres, so no more Sole Meuniere at your favourite restaurant, or cod and chips out of the paper while watching the waves gently roll up the beach.

Meanwhile, up on the high ground, you can't go out in the sun for longer than fifteen minutes unless you smother yourself in sunblock with a rating of '2000', which is probably just as well because there are marauding bands of displaced city dwellers looking to take what you have got, and I don't just mean the sunblock. Better to lock yourself in at night and maybe daytime too.

Living on what is left of the surface will be no cakewalk. Ecosystems contained under glass shields are still very much in the trial stages. Billions of dollars are being poured into space research, but space is a long way from here, and from pictures sent back of our sister planet Mars, unless we are in the market for red rocks and dust, there is not much hope coming out of the research at all.

In the meantime, billions of dollars are being spent on the war to decide whose god will ultimately save us. Salvation is in our own hands, yet we do not seem to have the mind set to realize it

I woke up this morning, still holding what I see a the glimmer of hope that life will improve, but as days pass, the glimmer is like the expectation of watching a forest burn in the belief that, when the flames are extinguished, it will immediately transform into the lush green that it was just before fire took a hold.

Home Economics - Lesson One

Scenario

A husband and wife are doing their grocery shopping.

The man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans', he says.

'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.

'Whoa, what do you think you're doing?' asks the man.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.

The man replies...'SO DOES 24 CANS OF BEER, AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!'

Lesson learned

The introductory letter from the lawyer handling the subsequent divorce costs way in excess of the beer AND face cream combined..

Thought of the day

Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
Chinese proverb

All Points Of The Compass..

North

Polar Bears are still in trouble as their world melts away. It is known that when the top predator disappears, the rest of the food chain goes West too.

The warmer temperatures have resulted in faster thawing, and some places have been in danger of washing away. In response to this, a whole town was evacuated South until their hometown conditions improved. The people were flown out in military Hercules transport planes and anything else that would fly. Two days later, the threat had subsided and the people are being flown back. The whole operation must have cost a great deal, emergency bedding and food supplies having been appropriated in the temporary housing. However, the Hercules transports will not be used for the trip back. They can only be used in emergencies, and getting these displaced people back is not considered an emergency.

So what the hell is it?

East

Some Quebecois seem intent on driving a wedge between their province and adjoining Canada. There has been tension between Quebec and Canada for a while, and now it has hit the Ottawa buses. The extremists say that bus drivers should be perfectly bi-lingual. When asked if they ever talk to bus drivers, they all say 'no'. So does it make any difference if they can speak French, or English for that matter? As long as they know the route, stopping where they should and drive safely, who cares?

Further East, the Maritimes have flooding problems too but they are used to living under indifferent conditions. The most important item on the agenda is keeping the gains from mineral rights to themselves.

West

Highway 401 is being extended from Windsor, Ontario to the US border. It will take five years to complete, and will be the biggest road project Ontario has ever seen, as it involves tunnelling. The way gas prices are rising, it will be interesting to see who uses the completed section five years hence.

The oil producers in Alberta screwed up recently as a large flight of ducks landed on a toxic lake, quickly succumbing the to effects of waste from extracting oil from the oil sands. Apparently, the oil companies forgot to set up devices that would normally scare birds away. What has surprised people, I think, is the speed at which perfectly healthy ducks died. The oil sands industry has come under scrutiny re the effects on the environment lately, and I have a feeling that scrutiny will become a whole lot more intense now.

South

The people south of me are in all kinds of trouble. The country is in recession, the incumbent President is on his way out, but his legacy will live on for years. The pretenders to the 'crown' are slugging it out among themselves now, but one has to feel sorry for the one who gets elected. The worst is that whatever happens to the south will have huge repercussions in Canada.

Canadians have a tough enough time working together when everything is looking like a well oiled machine.

And Beyond..

Don't expect sympathy from me. Now is not a good time..

Thought of the day

The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goals, it lies in having no goals to reach - Benjamin Mays

How Can People Believe That Anybody Cares When They Live In A Society Where The Only 'god' Is Money?

The paper stuff or coins are not what is revered. It all comes down to the 'over the top' possibilities which the possession of money allows.

I have watched TV programs where..

• parents are paying out for plastic surgery on teenagers. Not reconstructive surgery either.
• people try to put back aging by as many years as they can through plastic surgery
• people go to huge lengths to plan weddings etc. In one case, almost an entire small castle was lit with candles.
• people buy up cheap properties ideal for those who do not have much cash, and then renovate them to the point where only somebody with huge money can afford to buy them.
• people trade currency as a commodity.

Reality TV? Good for sponsors maybe because they hope to get money from the constant advertising. How do they get it? Have you watched 'Reality' TV? How real do you think any of it is? Real or just sensationalist, it certainly panders to those who like to peep through the keyhole at what only the butler might otherwise have seen.

There was a time when, if you could see it, it was real. Do you remember those days?

Israel Is So Desperate For Housing..

.. that eleven hundred new homes are going to be built in the West Bank and occupied East Jerusalem. The country absolutely can't do without them, and it is just unfortunate that the move will annoy the Palestinians and all of the other countries involved in getting a peace deal together. The housing situation is so desperate that the decision to build can't be reversed, a decision taken back in 1999.

Hello? That decision was made in 1999!! That's eight to nine years as the crow flies, and now you pick this time to start construction as other nations are trying to establish peace for you people that may just last?

Pardon me for thinking that you are not looking for peace at all. While we all sympathize with what happened to your people over the ages, there are limits, ya know. How about working with others who are taking the time and trouble to overcome the problems of the Middle East?  

Thought of the day

Your interpretation of what you see and hear is just that - your interpretation

Out Of The Blue? I Think Not..

Kick up enough sand, and a sandstorm will follow. Kick up enough snow, and a snowstorm will follow. Kick up enough water, and a rainstorm will follow.

Do you see a pattern emerging here?

That's right. Kick up enough of anything, and a storm will surely follow..

The Trouble With Being A Critic is..

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome ..

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food was wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Where'd you get the shitty Hairdo?"

If The Singer Had Been British..

.. would some of the most famous songs have ever made it to vinyl?

Viva Great Yarmouth - Elvis

The Night The Lights Went Out in Rutland - Vicki Lawrence

West Hartlepool (be sure to wear some wellies on your feet) - Scott MacKenzie

I left My Heart In Bognor Regis - Tony Bennett

Midnight Train To Devon - Gladys Knight and the Pips

Twenty Four Hours to Scunthorpe - Gene Pitney

Wakefield Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

Hotel Dorset - The Eagles

Blackburn, Blackburn - Frank Sinatra

Two Well Known Lines..

But from where or what? Do you recognize them?

"Roll or bowl a ball, a penny a pitch"

"Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy"

Thought of the day

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

How Good Am I, Says I..

Personal taste is just what it says it is. PERSONAL. Your personal taste may not be to everybody's taste, and it does not put everybody else's taste into second class. Some people have a better sense of color and co-ordination than others, so how do you rate yourself? if you were to enter into a competition with others, do you think that your house decor or fashion sense would stand out from the crowd for all of the right reasons? Do you think that everybody should have the same taste as you?

Dining out with a group of friends or associates is always difficult, especially if you are having to organize it. Personal food tastes for ALL of the dining party have to be accommodated, so it is important to find out if there is a finicky eater amongst you, or maybe a vegetarian or Vegan. Do you always take the time to find out what everybody likes, or do you just book in at your favorite eating hole, assuming that because you like it, everybody will have to like it or that's just too bad? Have you ever looked across at what one of the party has ordered, and then proclaimed publicly "Yuck, that looks awful. How could you eat that stuff"? Do you feel comfortable watching one of the party pick at something because their needs were dismissed under the 'well you can't please everybody' maxim?

Do you see friends as equals, or do you covertly patronize them? How good a friend are you? Do you willingly give up your time for others? Having done so, do you then moan to others about having done it? When you help somebody, do you ask how they want you to help, or do you just do what you think is right regardless of the thoughts or feelings of the person you are helping? Do you get upset if they tell you that you are not doing it the way they want it done, and then just stalk off?

Looking beyond the instinctive reaction to go into denial, how much effort do you truly put into being a friend? If you don't honestly put much effort in, or you moan to others about it, then why do you expect anybody to be a good friend to you? If you want others to think good of you, give them a good reason so to do. It is not enough that you think that you are the 'cat's whiskers'. Remember that what you see of yourself is only personal perception.

Nobody wants to know a person who is always negative, always denigrating everything that anybody else is or has? Nobody wants a friend who always appears to be talking behind the backs of others, and you can understand this too because there is a very good chance that the friend talks behind your back.

They say that what goes around comes around. So what is coming at you? And where do you think that it started? By the time that the cock crows, will you have denied yourself thrice?

Treat others the way you would like to be treated and do it regardless of race, color, creed or income.. yours or theirs.. 

Thought of the day

The loneliest woman in the world is the woman without a close woman friend and the love of a man

It's All Too Easy To Scoff..

Omar Osama Bin Laden wants to be a Peace Envoy between Al Qaeda and the West. He maintains that his father, the notorious Osama Bin Laden, wants a truce. To bring some publicity to his cause, he has decided to ride across North Africa on horseback, accompanied by his British born wife. To the right is a picture of the two of them doing a sterling job within sight of the Giza pyramids.

OK. Somebody needs to take up the position of Peace Envoy, so why not young Omar? And Daddy Bin Laden must be really sick of being in hiding all of this time. Lets face it, he can't even book into a cheap motel for a night without the chance of being captured and then put through the fun questioning technique of 'water boarding'.

Now some of you will think that anything is too good for the guy, BUT the alternative is a constant state of urban war somewhere.

The 'no way, not until hell freezes over' has to come to an end at some point in time or none of us will ever be safe again. The postulating by both sides has to stop.

Instead of voting 'no way', let us all be sensible about everything and try to work out a plan whereby all people get a chance to live and work without the threat of being blown to pieces. We can all start by looking into what the other side thinks, and then educate the people who have it all wrong about us. We can also quit provoking each other because, quite frankly, it is getting us all nothing except a fast track to the local cemetery.

How about it, people?