Tuesday, October 16, 2007

In The News..

More garlic?

A guy in Germany is serving a life sentence for practising cannibalism. He claims to be normal, and that he ate a willing candidate found on the Internet. The idea first came into his head after his mother read the story of 'Hansel and Gretel' to him. Well, chum, I remember the story too as will many others, but note how we have not gotten the urge to eat anybody.

It may placate you to know that human flesh is tough, bitter and tastes like pork according to this nut. There is a chance that he could be released after fifteen years as he is claimed not to be mad, but more disturbed. Make a note of today, and fifteen years hence carry a label with you at all times with the words 'Suitable for animal feed only', which you should pin on yourself very quickly in the event that you are approached by a lunatic wielding a knife, fork and spoon.

Alligator Alley

A guy in Florida has been sentenced to death for one failed attempted murder and one success. He befriended a woman and her young child through a church reach out organisation, but lost his cool after being asked to leave the woman's house. He left the house but took the woman and child. Having choked the woman to the point where she was unconscious, leaving her in a field to die, he then took the child to some water alongside Alligator Alley, and dropped her into it. The child was killed by an alligator.

The State will earmark this dude for death by lethal injection, but I think that the mother of the child should decide his fate. I know what I would pick for him, and I would ensure that they crushed more than his skull and remove one arm.

WMD? Do we have any?

Sir, yes Sir. We think that it may have been flown across the country, if the note from the other base is to be believed. Oh believe it for sure. A strategic bomber of the US Air Force flew across the country carrying six nuclear weapons of mass destruction and nobody was aware until the cleaners were sweeping out the airplane?

This is 'Homeland Security'? Guys, you are a greater danger to yourselves and the rest of us than ever the Iranian Black Guard will be.


Never live close by a farm where they breed pigs and chickens. Never live at the end of a busy airstrip. It is way too noisy. Obvious choices of places not to live for sure, but you can add one more place to the list. A farm in Qatar had a patriot drop in from a US military base recently. Nope, not a flag waving soldier or a Qatar patriot. We are talking a Patriot missile, and Qatar is on the side of the US.

The powers at the US base are looking into it, and to make it easier for them, I have some advice. Ask which of the soldiers on the base pressed the button. It may speed up the process somewhat.

A New Writer?

Condoleeza Rice must have a new scriptwriter, because she has actually spoken of a great new idea to solve the Middle East Crisis. The idea is that we give the Palestinians a State all of their own. Yo, Condie, they already did have a place of their own, but Palestine was taken from them and called something else. The Palestinians have been making this point for years, and only now do you and the US Administration catch on?

Of course, the idea is good until one looks at a map of the area. The State of Israel is bordered by Syria, Jordan and Egypt's Sinai Desert. These countries will no more give up part of their territory than Missouri, Arkansas and Oklahoma would!!

There are still way more days of this administration left to run than there should be.

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